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I think I am beginning to run out of words to describe how I feel... shame really. Even my thoughts are beginning to die. There used to be so many of them running around inside my mind but now... silence. Well, not entirely. But mostly they have just... stopped. Stopped running. Flying. Whatever it is that they did. They have just stopped moving altogether. Maybe my thoughts are tired. Tired of themselves. They are all the same anyway. I bet they are sick of each other and their constant whining and moaning. I know I am.
The problem is that I am tired. But it is not just the physical type of tired. I am tired. Just tired. And to be honest, I
Dyslexia: Feels DumbFeels Dumb.
It is a horrid moment when that test is placed before you and you stare at it for a moment before writing your name upon the virgin white paper. You twiddle your thumbs, a sweat breaking out upon your brow and bite your lip with nerves.
I understand. I really do.
When that test is placed before me and I've already suffered one panic attack wondering what exam it is I have today or whether I have an exam at all. One panic attack down. Many more to go.
I knot my fingers; make them scrap across my skin because somehow it calms me to feel something against my skin. I begin to shake my leg, its motions erratic as I try to get rid o
Phan: Blood Vessel [Part 17]
Still buried within his covers, Dan listened to the sound of the shower, all the while wondering what was going through Phil's mind. How did he feel about Dan? Did he want him? Or see him as a simple blood vessel and sex toy? Dan did not know.
Pricking his ears at the sound of the shower turning off, Dan listened to the sound of Phil's feet hitting the floor before rising himself from his bed with a grunt. He was going to find out some answers.
Making his way out into the corridor, he knocked once upon Phil's bedroom door before opening the door and stepping inside. He was greeted with a surprised Phil, a towel draped around his slender wai
Just MeThese scars that run along my arms,
Scarring my skin for others to see,
A pain to bare for my emotional state,
In which I inflict pain without purpose,
And then act as if everything is fine,
When I know it is not.
Why do I seem to cry each night?
Smothering my sobs into a familiar pillow,
Only myself and the walls of my room to hear me,
As my soul bleeds out from within,
For no one but me will ever hear them,
As if they'd care to listen.
Thoughts flitter through my mind at times,
Horrid things of dark intentions,
And I shove them aside,
Tell them to leave,
And yet they always come back,
As if haunting me,
Just for fun.
Dyslexia: Emotionally SensitiveEmotionally Sensitive.
When people make jokes others understand and laugh along, even if the joke is about them. Not me. I take it too seriously, too personally. I remember a long time ago in year 7 when a boy called Nathan kept calling me a witch. It was a joke. I was ok at first. But the more he repeated it to me the more I felt he thought that way about me. And then one day I told him that it hurt and I left the classroom and cried in the girls' bathroom. When I later saw him he said he was sorry and I nodded, never looking in his eyes.
I suppose it's my fault for being this way. Others can take a joke so why can I not? My family make jo
Dyslexia: Has Poor Self-EsteemHas Poor Self-Esteem.
I Google'd the definition of having poor self-esteem; apparently it means to feel insecure, to not know what is considered "normal" and to not feel comfortable with themselves or others.
Apparently, it is also seen as an illness.
Thanks for that.
I suppose it is right though; I'm very insecure and am worried by my actions because people call me weird and I don't understand what "normal" is. Probably sleeping around and doing illegal things, as if I'd ever consider that.
I'm also not comfortable with myself. Well, in a sense I am; I'm fine with speaking to myself all the time and like myself a lot sometimes.
I know you may not believe me, I know you may think I'm just saying words without meaning...
But if you ever needed someone to talk to...
I'll always be here...
I'll try my best to cheer you up when you feel down...
I'll try my best to make you laugh when you don't want to smile...
I'll try my best to give you an e-hug that'll leave you breathless but happy...
I'll try my best to make you smile again...
All I can do is try my best...
But I'll try my best for you.
Phil is not on fire - Phan3rd Person POV
"I already look like Voldemort" Phil pointed out. "I would bang Voldemort." said Dan, hoping Phil understood what he was implying. Phil turned around to look at Dan with a semi-seductive face. "okay." Phil told him, ripping off his clothes and turning into Voldemort.
and then they had sex
Phan: Bully Me [Part 20]
Sprinting through the pouring rain, Dan made it to his house breathless as he slammed the door behind him, doubling over while he gulped down air.
"Dan, is that you?" his mother called from the living room and he managed to wheeze out a yes, running up the stairs and to his room so he could avoid further questioning.
He collapsed upon his bed before realizing something was clutching in his hand. Looking over and opening up the wet plastic bag, his breath caught upon seeing the dark material of a shirt inside.
Sitting up, he took the fabric out of the bag and held it up before him, admiring the design before feeling a tear run down his chee
Phan: Blood Vessel [Part 16]
The room was the pale colours of a morning glow, the suns beams drifting through the window and into the bedroom where Dan stretched and yawned. He rolled onto his back and rubbed his closed eyes before opening them, blinking away sleep.
He could smell something sweet in the air, the smell of cooking wafting into the room from the kitchen through the open crack in the door. He smiled to himself and sat up, giving another quick stretch before flinging away the covers and setting his feet upon the cold wooden floor.
Walking through silently into the corridor, he made his way to the half open door that leads to the living room and kitchen. Pea
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`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More