Dyslexia: Feels DumbFeels Dumb.
It is a horrid moment when that test is placed before you and you stare at it for a moment before writing your name upon the virgin white paper. You twiddle your thumbs, a sweat breaking out upon your brow and bite your lip with nerves.
I understand. I really do.
When that test is placed before me and I've already suffered one panic attack wondering what exam it is I have today or whether I have an exam at all. One panic attack down. Many more to go.
I knot my fingers; make them scrap across my skin because somehow it calms me to feel something against my skin. I begin to shake my leg, its motions erratic as I try to get rid of the panic filled energy flowing through me.
I want to cry. I don't like this. I want out. Let me out.
No. I must stay and see this through.
Exams are high though. Everyone feels dumb in them, don't they? Everyone always seems so happy and surprised with their results so I guess that's evidence.
Let us lower it, shall we?
How about somewhere si
I think I am beginning to run out of words to describe how I feel... shame really. Even my thoughts are beginning to die. There used to be so many of them running around inside my mind but now... silence. Well, not entirely. But mostly they have just... stopped. Stopped running. Flying. Whatever it is that they did. They have just stopped moving altogether. Maybe my thoughts are tired. Tired of themselves. They are all the same anyway. I bet they are sick of each other and their constant whining and moaning. I know I am.
The problem is that I am tired. But it is not just the physical type of tired. I am tired. Just tired. And to be honest, I am not sure what I am tired of. Myself maybe. Or my thoughts. Or life. Or things. I have yet to work it out.
My head hurts. How unfortunate on my part.
I feel numb. How empty.
Johnlock: Just Don't
"Just Don't," John whispered as Sherlock pressed against him, his breathe hot against John's skin.
"John..." Sherlock whispered and the other shook his head and whispered again, "Just don't. Please."
John knew Sherlock knew how much it hurt him and yet he said it anyway, those simple little words that made John fall for the detective each time.
"I love you," he whispered and captured John's lips with his own.
Phan: Blood Vessel [Part 25]
Dropping the knife in the sink, Phil returned to his bedroom where Dan was lying on the bed, his limbs extended and eyes closed. Phil smiled as he admired the tanned and toned body of his lover, only his boxers hiding the rest of his bare flesh.
Climbing on top of Dan on the bed, he supported himself with his arms and legs either side of the brunette's body and watched as Dan opened his eyes and gazed at Phil through half open lids. Phil smiled and the other returned it before he reached up and wrapped his arms around his pale neck, drawing him closer as their lips locked in a sweet kiss.
As their lips drew apart Dan leaned up and whispered in Phil's ear, "I love you Phil."
Phil slid himself down so he was lying on top of Dan as he wrapped his arms around the boy he loved as he kissed his lips once more and murmured against them softly, "I love you too Dan."
The brunette smiled as they kissed again until their clothes were discarded upon the floor, their limbs tangled beneath the cover
Phan: Blood Vessel [Part 17]
Still buried within his covers, Dan listened to the sound of the shower, all the while wondering what was going through Phil's mind. How did he feel about Dan? Did he want him? Or see him as a simple blood vessel and sex toy? Dan did not know.
Pricking his ears at the sound of the shower turning off, Dan listened to the sound of Phil's feet hitting the floor before rising himself from his bed with a grunt. He was going to find out some answers.
Making his way out into the corridor, he knocked once upon Phil's bedroom door before opening the door and stepping inside. He was greeted with a surprised Phil, a towel draped around his slender waist and arms raised to his head where he had been drying his dark hair with another towel.
Blood rose to Dan's cheeks at the sight but he tried not to let the sight before him get a hold on his nerves as he said, "Phil, how do you see me?"
The older man raised an eyebrow, seeming to think before replying with an answer.
"You're my best friend Dan, you
Dyslexia: Emotionally SensitiveEmotionally Sensitive.
When people make jokes others understand and laugh along, even if the joke is about them. Not me. I take it too seriously, too personally. I remember a long time ago in year 7 when a boy called Nathan kept calling me a witch. It was a joke. I was ok at first. But the more he repeated it to me the more I felt he thought that way about me. And then one day I told him that it hurt and I left the classroom and cried in the girls' bathroom. When I later saw him he said he was sorry and I nodded, never looking in his eyes.
I suppose it's my fault for being this way. Others can take a joke so why can I not? My family make jokes and then laugh at my upset face and tell me they were joking. I know they were, I'm used to it.
But that doesn't mean it hurt any less.
Phan: It Means Nothing [Part 7]
He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping, his brown curls falling into his eyes as he buried his face into the pillow while he dreamed. Phil watched as Dan breathed deeply and then let out his breath again as he turned on his side in Phil's embrace.
The bed covers fell to reveal his tanned hip and Phil traced his fingers gently along the skin, making circular patterns before gliding his hands up to Dan's sides, along his ribs, up his arms and finally resting onto his shoulder.
He glanced at his face, watching him for a moment longer before sliding his fingertips up to Dan's neck where he dug lightly into his flesh and watched as the brunette groaned and squirmed in his sleep. He pressed his fingers in slightly harder and smirked when Dan let out a shaky moan and squirmed away from Phil.
Opening his eyes slowly and blinking, Dan reached up to touch his neck, all the while gazing at Phil who watched him in turn with a smirk on his pretty lips.
"You're a fucking asshole," he murmured be
Phan: It Means Nothing [Part 15]
His arms were draped around him, holding him close, so close he could smell the scent of raspberry from his shower gel on his pale skin. He traced his fingers along his chest, around his nipples, curling his chest hair beneath his fingertips. He could see his eyes moving beneath his closed lids, his lashes brushing his lightly blushing cheeks. Dan reached up to trace his index finger along Phil's bottom lip, parting them as his hot breath brushed Dan's forehead.
Dan felt his lips move under his fingertips as Phil murmured groggily, "What are you doing Dan?"
"Nothing," came his soft reply and he reached up in the other's embrace to kiss him, a gentle smile tugging at his lips as Phil kissed him back.
"What was that for?" Phil asked and Dan shrugged, wrapping his arms around Phil's waist as he replied, "I wanted to."
"Good enough for me," Phil smiled and kissed Dan's forehead, snuggling closer as he sighed, "Shall we stay in bed a little longer?"
Dan nodded and closed his eyes as he murm
Phan: It Means Nothing [Part 10]
"It means nothing," he murmured as he played with Dan's hair. The brunette was asleep beside him on the sofa, their bodies tightly squished together on the leather seat, heat exchanging between them and their hearts beating loudly together. Dan's face was buried in Phil's chest and Phil was supporting Dan's weight with his arm wrapped around his middle so the brunette did not fall off the sofa.
Curling his brown locks around his fingers, Phil sighed as he kissed Dan's forehead and whispered, "It means everything to me."
Phan: It Means Nothing [Part 11]
His eyes slowly opened and he looked up to see Phil kissing his forehead. He did not move until his lips left his skin and then he reached up to bring their lips together as he closed his eyes again.
He could feel the fingers that were once in his hair now reach back down to join the other arm around his waist to stop him from falling off of the sofa and he pressed himself closer to his pale frame as he deepened the kiss.
"Dan," Phil breathed against his lips when they parted and Dan kissed him again as his arms reached up from around Phil's waist up to his neck where he dug his fingers within his dark locks. He bit the other's lips as Phil whimpered and drew him closer to him.
"Don't ever leave me," he heard him say and Dan felt his breath hitch at the words from his friend. They locked gazes and Dan slowly nodded, burying himself closer again and returning his arms to around Phil's waist as he felt the other squeeze his own waist. Phil rested his head upon Dan's brown curls and smile
Silence (Ch. 8)Title: Silence
Genre: super mega fluff. On a stick.
Pairing: Phan (YES)
Warnings: uhm SLASH without giving too much away
Disclaimer: I do not own Amazingphil or danisnotonfire and this is fictional.
A/N: I couldn't NOT write this chapter. Seriously. ._. <3 Enjoy!
Dan smiled shyly to himself as he and Phil turned onto his street, their fingers comfortably locked. It was really late and the wind was making it cold and it was almost pitch black, but Dan couldn't help but feel all warm and fuzzy, considering the current situation. The weather couldn't dampen his mood if it wanted to!
The dance had been, well.... Absolutely fantastic, to say the very least. They danced to several slow songs and a few faster ones, silly smiles lighting up their faces the entire time. When they grew tired of dancing, the pair grabbed some punch and treated to a free corner together to mumble and grin at each other. Even in the dim lighting, Phil could still read Dan's
Phil is not on fire - Phan3rd Person POV
"I already look like Voldemort" Phil pointed out. "I would bang Voldemort." said Dan, hoping Phil understood what he was implying. Phil turned around to look at Dan with a semi-seductive face. "okay." Phil told him, ripping off his clothes and turning into Voldemort.
and then they had sex
Phan: Final MomentsTitle: Phan: Final Moments.
Warnings: self harm / death
The blade etching along his skin. Pain. Pleasure. He couldn't bare it any longer - the emotions. He didn't care. Nobody cared. The 'phans' only care about Dan.
They didn't even notice I was there. Even during the lives they want Dan. I'm just not important.
As he felt cigarettes and alcohol enter his nose, he knew he only had a few minutes before he'd get destroyed once again. Burned. Not physically, no, it was so much worse. The words. The feeling. The emotion. The invisible scars. He couldn't take it any longer. The blood grew thicker and thicker.
He'd lost control years ago but only now did he want to die.
Death was such a thin line. It was tormenting him, playing it's sick games. Messing with his fucked up little head.
To who is ever bothering to read this - Don't listen to your head. It's lying. I wasn't anything. I'm nothing. I don't deserve to live, to love, to be happy. I don't
Check YesPhil stood at his locker looking down at his open notebook. He kept all his drawings of his crush in there but the page that stared at him only had 7 words on them.
Do you like me? Yes or no
It was really grade school and overly childish to write something like that but it was the simplest way to sum up his feelings.
The late bell rung so he closed his notebook and ran to his class hoping not to get detention this time. The slip was already filled out and waiting for the black haired boy when he opened the door. Great. He heard a snicker from the class as he grabbed the paper off of the teachers desk. He didn't have to look up to know where that came from.
It was of course Dan. The youngest of the Howells. You could tell the family heritage by the brown eyes, brown hair, and tanned complexion. Yes he was a snobby, goody goody, posh Howell alright.
Phil threw a hateful sneer at him before sitting in his seat. The pale boy knew he wasn't exactly "bad ass" but he wasn't "Howell posh" as h
Something Special Ch. 13Title: Something Special
Genre: fluff, crack!fic
Warnings: TOO MUCH CUTE
Disclaimer: I do not own amazingphil or danisnotonfire and this is fictional.
A/N: So uhm this is the last chapter.... It's been a fun journey, guys. <3 Keep in mind that this chapter is set a few years later. It's an epilogue of sorts. I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing c: .
"Mummy!" James squealed, racing to Dan and Phil's room and hopping onto the bed, wriggling under the duvet as fast as his little body would allow him to, "Daddy's gonna get me! Said it's time for night-night!"
Dan grinned, shaking his head and scrolling through a few comments on his newest video. It was James' bedtime, but it was way more fun to let Phil chase the little boy around.
As if on cue, Phil stumbled into the room a few moments later, totally out of breath. He slumped against the door, then fell next to Dan on the mattress.
"H-have you seen our child?" the older pan