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Dyslexia: Feels DumbFeels Dumb.
It is a horrid moment when that test is placed before you and you stare at it for a moment before writing your name upon the virgin white paper. You twiddle your thumbs, a sweat breaking out upon your brow and bite your lip with nerves.
I understand. I really do.
When that test is placed before me and I've already suffered one panic attack wondering what exam it is I have today or whether I have an exam at all. One panic attack down. Many more to go.
I knot my fingers; make them scrap across my skin because somehow it calms me to feel something against my skin. I begin to shake my leg, its motions erratic as I try to get rid of the panic filled energy flowing through me.
I want to cry. I don't like this. I want out. Let me out.
No. I must stay and see this through.
Exams are high though. Everyone feels dumb in them, don't they? Everyone always seems so happy and surprised with their results so I guess that's evidence.
Let us lower it, shall we?
How about somewhere si
I think I am beginning to run out of words to describe how I feel... shame really. Even my thoughts are beginning to die. There used to be so many of them running around inside my mind but now... silence. Well, not entirely. But mostly they have just... stopped. Stopped running. Flying. Whatever it is that they did. They have just stopped moving altogether. Maybe my thoughts are tired. Tired of themselves. They are all the same anyway. I bet they are sick of each other and their constant whining and moaning. I know I am.
The problem is that I am tired. But it is not just the physical type of tired. I am tired. Just tired. And to be honest, I am not sure what I am tired of. Myself maybe. Or my thoughts. Or life. Or things. I have yet to work it out.
My head hurts. How unfortunate on my part.
I feel numb. How empty.
Phan: Blood Vessel [Part 17]
Still buried within his covers, Dan listened to the sound of the shower, all the while wondering what was going through Phil's mind. How did he feel about Dan? Did he want him? Or see him as a simple blood vessel and sex toy? Dan did not know.
Pricking his ears at the sound of the shower turning off, Dan listened to the sound of Phil's feet hitting the floor before rising himself from his bed with a grunt. He was going to find out some answers.
Making his way out into the corridor, he knocked once upon Phil's bedroom door before opening the door and stepping inside. He was greeted with a surprised Phil, a towel draped around his slender waist and arms raised to his head where he had been drying his dark hair with another towel.
Blood rose to Dan's cheeks at the sight but he tried not to let the sight before him get a hold on his nerves as he said, "Phil, how do you see me?"
The older man raised an eyebrow, seeming to think before replying with an answer.
"You're my best friend Dan, you
Phan: Blood Vessel [Part 25]
Dropping the knife in the sink, Phil returned to his bedroom where Dan was lying on the bed, his limbs extended and eyes closed. Phil smiled as he admired the tanned and toned body of his lover, only his boxers hiding the rest of his bare flesh.
Climbing on top of Dan on the bed, he supported himself with his arms and legs either side of the brunette's body and watched as Dan opened his eyes and gazed at Phil through half open lids. Phil smiled and the other returned it before he reached up and wrapped his arms around his pale neck, drawing him closer as their lips locked in a sweet kiss.
As their lips drew apart Dan leaned up and whispered in Phil's ear, "I love you Phil."
Phil slid himself down so he was lying on top of Dan as he wrapped his arms around the boy he loved as he kissed his lips once more and murmured against them softly, "I love you too Dan."
The brunette smiled as they kissed again until their clothes were discarded upon the floor, their limbs tangled beneath the cover
Johnlock: Just Don't
"Just Don't," John whispered as Sherlock pressed against him, his breathe hot against John's skin.
"John..." Sherlock whispered and the other shook his head and whispered again, "Just don't. Please."
John knew Sherlock knew how much it hurt him and yet he said it anyway, those simple little words that made John fall for the detective each time.
"I love you," he whispered and captured John's lips with his own.
Skin and Bones ~ PhanTitle: Skin and Bones
Rating: 12+? idk
Author's Notes: Listen to this whilst reading http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfUa7VAhvDo
Dan almost collapsed against the wooden door as he closed it behind him, drawing the bolt with his sweaty hands. He pelted across the small room to the sink, turning both taps on full and threw himself to his knees in front of the toilet, his head spinning. Why did this always happen? He'd done this so many times before, he should be used to the dizziness by now. Grasping the bowl with both hands, he leaned over, balancing nimbly on his knees, and pushed his fingers down his throat as far as they would go. Heaving, he jolted forwards but everything was still inside him. Frustrated with himself, he stuffed his fingers down his throat once more, this time managing to make himself sick.
Once he'd emptied the contents of his stomach as quietly as poss
Phil is not on fire - Phan3rd Person POV
"I already look like Voldemort" Phil pointed out. "I would bang Voldemort." said Dan, hoping Phil understood what he was implying. Phil turned around to look at Dan with a semi-seductive face. "okay." Phil told him, ripping off his clothes and turning into Voldemort.
and then they had sex
Silence (Ch. 8)Title: Silence
Genre: super mega fluff. On a stick.
Pairing: Phan (YES)
Warnings: uhm SLASH without giving too much away
Disclaimer: I do not own Amazingphil or danisnotonfire and this is fictional.
A/N: I couldn't NOT write this chapter. Seriously. ._. <3 Enjoy!
Dan smiled shyly to himself as he and Phil turned onto his street, their fingers comfortably locked. It was really late and the wind was making it cold and it was almost pitch black, but Dan couldn't help but feel all warm and fuzzy, considering the current situation. The weather couldn't dampen his mood if it wanted to!
The dance had been, well.... Absolutely fantastic, to say the very least. They danced to several slow songs and a few faster ones, silly smiles lighting up their faces the entire time. When they grew tired of dancing, the pair grabbed some punch and treated to a free corner together to mumble and grin at each other. Even in the dim lighting, Phil could still read Dan's
[Phan] Your Best Kept Secret [Three]Title: Your Best Kept Secret
Pairing: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Warning: Strong language, mentions of smoking, drugs and drinking, mature content.
Disclaimer: Not real, not real, maybe real, not real.
Summary: It was eating him up on the inside. He wasn't a coward; he just loved him. He just needed to get away, now.
Dan's muscles screamed at him and he lifted and shifted, pushed and pulled, back and forth around his room, packing away the heavier things that he had left until the last minute.
"Is that everything?" Phil called out from the other side of the room, plopping himself down on the carpet, pulling his legs together, sitting crossed legged on the floor. He looked a little worn out, more than he should have. Dan did most of the heavy lifting while Phil held open the flaps of the boxes, carefully guiding the objects inside. He looked like he had something on his mind. Something that was bugging him.
"Well I'm not packing away my bed, although I'd like to... sorry, yo
100 Reasons You Shouldn't Commit, (100% complete)Here's a full 100 list why you should commit, and every single one is true!
:iconopalsea:, :iconCaraCarrotCake:, :iconxxPenisawrxx:, :iconejwhiskers:, :iconSlashficbiches:, :iconalices8wonders:, :iconBannanabatman:, :iconkittyluvscheese:, :iconBronyStark:, :iconGreenDeath1998:, and everyone else who helped!n_n
1. We would miss you.
2. It's not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you.
3. It does get better. Believe it or not it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow.
4. There's so much you would miss out on doing.
5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there.
6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself.
7. You ARE worth it. Don't let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise.
8. You are amazing.
9. A time will come, once you've battled the tough
Phan: Come On, Skinny LoveTitle: Come On, Skinny Love
Author: Ellie Galaxies
Genre: sadness and angst and stuff
Rating: Suitable for everyoneeee
Author's Note: So, basically inspired by Skinny Love by Birdy. The fic is sadder if you listen to this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdmKb9X60n4&feature=fvwrel while reading.
I decided to interpret the song a little differently than the actual meaning so "Skinny Love" is the name that Phil calls Dan because of how weak he's getting. I haven't written the names in this, so I guess you can read it however you want to maybe Phil is the one in the hospital bed and maybe Dan is... *shrugs* but personally, I read it as Dan being int the hospital bed :3
I glance over to him. He's lying in the hospital bed. He hasn't smiled in months, not since they told him. He's weak, too weak to cry. Too weak to do anything really. He's lost a lot of weight too. He sighs and rests his hand on top of mine. I smile slightly and lean ov
a dangerous hallucinationThe light coming through the window was bright,
much too bright.
Even though my eyes were closed
I could see it-
The skin of my arms prickled,
sweat dripped from my brow.
It was two in the afternoon but…
the sun was setting
through the window facing east.
I should have seen the hutch,
shelves lined with bone china
decorated with delicate leaves and vines.
I was so thirsty
and reaching for cups that should have been there.
Instead I found a billboard of butterflies,
the colors raging
more than any rainbow
I'd ever seen.
Their wings fluttered and flashed
yet somehow they moved in slow motion.
I wanted to stand,
wanted to reach out and touch them but…
I couldn't move,
and yet I laughed
ignoring my dry mouth
and the tingling in my feet.
There was a tempest
on the rise
and in my blood.
A sugar rush disguised
as a riot of butterflies
and they were swarming me.
There was a small vial
of insulin in my pocket
that I nev
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