I think I am beginning to run out of words to describe how I feel... shame really. Even my thoughts are beginning to die. There used to be so many of them running around inside my mind but now... silence. Well, not entirely. But mostly they have just... stopped. Stopped running. Flying. Whatever it is that they did. They have just stopped moving altogether. Maybe my thoughts are tired. Tired of themselves. They are all the same anyway. I bet they are sick of each other and their constant whining and moaning. I know I am.
The problem is that I am tired. But it is not just the physical type of tired. I am tired. Just tired. And to be honest, I am not sure what I am tired of. Myself maybe. Or my thoughts. Or life. Or things. I have yet to work it out.
My head hurts. How unfortunate on my part.
I feel numb. How empty.
Phan: It Means Nothing [Part 11]
His eyes slowly opened and he looked up to see Phil kissing his forehead. He did not move until his lips left his skin and then he reached up to bring their lips together as he closed his eyes again.
He could feel the fingers that were once in his hair now reach back down to join the other arm around his waist to stop him from falling off of the sofa and he pressed himself closer to his pale frame as he deepened the kiss.
"Dan," Phil breathed against his lips when they parted and Dan kissed him again as his arms reached up from around Phil's waist up to his neck where he dug his fingers within his dark locks. He bit the other's lips as Phil whimpered and drew him closer to him.
"Don't ever leave me," he heard him say and Dan felt his breath hitch at the words from his friend. They locked gazes and Dan slowly nodded, burying himself closer again and returning his arms to around Phil's waist as he felt the other squeeze his own waist. Phil rested his head upon Dan's brown curls and smile
Phan: It Means Nothing [Part 10]
"It means nothing," he murmured as he played with Dan's hair. The brunette was asleep beside him on the sofa, their bodies tightly squished together on the leather seat, heat exchanging between them and their hearts beating loudly together. Dan's face was buried in Phil's chest and Phil was supporting Dan's weight with his arm wrapped around his middle so the brunette did not fall off the sofa.
Curling his brown locks around his fingers, Phil sighed as he kissed Dan's forehead and whispered, "It means everything to me."
Phan: It Means Nothing [Part 13]
"Fucking bastard, fuck, fuck, fuck!" Dan muttered angrily to himself as he buried himself beneath his bed covers and pillows. He held the pillow over his head as he heard a light knock on his bedroom door.
"Fuck off Phil you wanker," he said loud enough for the other to hear and yet still the slight creak of his door was heard as it opened, the light sound of shuffling coming next as Phil entered the room and then the swift shutting of the door before silence. Phil did not move and nor did Dan. For a moment they simply existed in that room, both unsure as to what to say.
The bed dipped as weight was added and Dan unburied himself from beneath the pillow as he growled angrily, "I thought I told you to fuck off-" although he was quickly silenced by Phil's lips on his own.
He almost melted into the kiss but he pushed him away and turned his back to him as he spat, "Bastard."
"I'm sorry Dan," Phil murmured after a while and Dan refused to turn to him because he knew his blue eyes would be
Johnlock: Just Don't
"Just Don't," John whispered as Sherlock pressed against him, his breathe hot against John's skin.
"John..." Sherlock whispered and the other shook his head and whispered again, "Just don't. Please."
John knew Sherlock knew how much it hurt him and yet he said it anyway, those simple little words that made John fall for the detective each time.
"I love you," he whispered and captured John's lips with his own.
Phan: It Means Nothing [Part 7]
He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping, his brown curls falling into his eyes as he buried his face into the pillow while he dreamed. Phil watched as Dan breathed deeply and then let out his breath again as he turned on his side in Phil's embrace.
The bed covers fell to reveal his tanned hip and Phil traced his fingers gently along the skin, making circular patterns before gliding his hands up to Dan's sides, along his ribs, up his arms and finally resting onto his shoulder.
He glanced at his face, watching him for a moment longer before sliding his fingertips up to Dan's neck where he dug lightly into his flesh and watched as the brunette groaned and squirmed in his sleep. He pressed his fingers in slightly harder and smirked when Dan let out a shaky moan and squirmed away from Phil.
Opening his eyes slowly and blinking, Dan reached up to touch his neck, all the while gazing at Phil who watched him in turn with a smirk on his pretty lips.
"You're a fucking asshole," he murmured be
Phan: It Means Nothing [Part 15]
His arms were draped around him, holding him close, so close he could smell the scent of raspberry from his shower gel on his pale skin. He traced his fingers along his chest, around his nipples, curling his chest hair beneath his fingertips. He could see his eyes moving beneath his closed lids, his lashes brushing his lightly blushing cheeks. Dan reached up to trace his index finger along Phil's bottom lip, parting them as his hot breath brushed Dan's forehead.
Dan felt his lips move under his fingertips as Phil murmured groggily, "What are you doing Dan?"
"Nothing," came his soft reply and he reached up in the other's embrace to kiss him, a gentle smile tugging at his lips as Phil kissed him back.
"What was that for?" Phil asked and Dan shrugged, wrapping his arms around Phil's waist as he replied, "I wanted to."
"Good enough for me," Phil smiled and kissed Dan's forehead, snuggling closer as he sighed, "Shall we stay in bed a little longer?"
Dan nodded and closed his eyes as he murm
Phan: Blood Vessel [Part 25]
Dropping the knife in the sink, Phil returned to his bedroom where Dan was lying on the bed, his limbs extended and eyes closed. Phil smiled as he admired the tanned and toned body of his lover, only his boxers hiding the rest of his bare flesh.
Climbing on top of Dan on the bed, he supported himself with his arms and legs either side of the brunette's body and watched as Dan opened his eyes and gazed at Phil through half open lids. Phil smiled and the other returned it before he reached up and wrapped his arms around his pale neck, drawing him closer as their lips locked in a sweet kiss.
As their lips drew apart Dan leaned up and whispered in Phil's ear, "I love you Phil."
Phil slid himself down so he was lying on top of Dan as he wrapped his arms around the boy he loved as he kissed his lips once more and murmured against them softly, "I love you too Dan."
The brunette smiled as they kissed again until their clothes were discarded upon the floor, their limbs tangled beneath the cover
Phan: Blood Vessel [Part 23]
He did not visit her for a week; he thought it was best to let her calm before returning to ask her once more what happened that night.
Bending down, he brushed aside loose strands of hair from Dan's forehead before kissing his temple; he had fallen asleep in Phil's arms and now he was leaving him to dream as he left their apartment and darted through the streets to the hospital.
She watched him leave with a devilish grin; she had been waiting for this opportunity for a week and it had now presented itself, much to her delight.
Slinking out from the park's many bushes, she made her way silently to the side of the apartment block, checking to make sure no one could see her before she darted quickly up the walls.
Taking her hand in his, he sat beside her bed like he had done before on other nights, his thumb rubbing the back of her frail hand. Again, his eyes watched the bite marks on her neck and could not help but be reminded of the monster that he was.
"Chloe..." he whispered, reachin
A Horrible Love SongWhatever happened to us?
I thought that it was love at first sight,
I guess it was a lie,
Like all those ones you told me before,
Although I swallowed them whole,
Like sleeping pills,
To a happy land,
Where we smiled and held hands,
And I was happy with you.
Whatever happened to the times we spent together?
Did they mean nothing to you at all?
I thought what we had was special,
But apparently not,
You tore out my heart,
With your harsh words,
And now I'm alone.
Do you remember when we came here,
For the first time,
On a snowy night,
In the middle of Winter,
We had a cup of tea,
Instead of coffee,
And read our books in the booth,
In the corner of the cafe.
But do you remember when,
We ran into the Autumn leaves,
Sang songs beneath the willow trees,
And laughed along to old love songs,
From long ago,
Before our time,
When things were only black and white,
Just me and you.
I miss the days that we hung out,
Just sitting in the Summer sun,
Soaking up the golden rays,
While we closed our eye
Could It Be Worse - Kickthestickz"You know what? Fine! I'll go! AND MAYBE THIS TIME I WON'T COME BACK!" I roared, slamming the door shut. Fucking family. We'd had yet another argument that had resulted in them kicking me out. Fan-fucking-tastic. I shivered against the near arctic winds of the North and instantly regretted not getting a coat or jacket before I left. It's not like I can go back now, though. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and quickly texted Dan:
'Hey, can I stay round yours for a while?'
He must've had his phone on him or something because before I could return my phone to my pocket, he'd replied saying:
'Sure, family problems again?'
'You know it.' I typed, physically rolling my eyes. I slid my phone into my pocket and was about to start walking when I had one of those feelings where you think you're being watched. I scanned the area and my line of vision rested on a human shaped pile of clothing, with a pair of stunning, pale green eyes poking out under a mess of muddy b
What Am I? - FRERARDFandom: My Chemical Romance
Pairing: Frerard (Frank Iero and Gerard Way)
Point of View: Gerard
"Gee, do you think I'm an emo?"
The question catches me so off-guard that I all but choke on my orange juice, the manufactured taste of nothing that was once a real fruit clogging in my throat as though it wants to crawl back out of me just to raise it's metaphorical eyebrows at my pixie-esque boyfriend who is lying next to me on my bed, tongue rolling over his lip ring as it always does when he's deep in thought.
"What d'you mean?" I mumble back after forcing the juice to go back down my throat; Frank's always asking questions, this one is no different from any other.
Yes it is.
He usually asks about vampires or comic books or if I think he's sexier than Batman, never about something that makes up him. Never does he second-guess himself like this, because that's what he's doing. He's asking me if he is what the other kids at school tell him he is, what he always denies being because
You Can't Define Love - FRERARDFandom: My Chemical Romance
Pairing: Frerard (Frank Iero and Gerard Way)
"You're not gonna get any sense out of him, bro. I've been trying since English and all he's managed to do is confuse me with all of his Socrates bullshit." Mikey warns me exasperatedly, gesturing to our best friend who is striding happily along next to him, a smug and satisfied smirk plastered onto his adorably youthful face. "Fucking Miss Jones and her Greek philosophy." He grumbles in disdain at what his English teacher has unleashed upon us; a Frank Iero who believes that everything needs to be questioned and that nothing can have a proper answer. "All he's been doing since ten this morning is asking people to tell him what shit is and all they've managed to do is either get confused or majorly pissed off. Do you know how many angry jocks we've had to run away from, Gee?" He pauses for dramatic effect, adjusting his trademark glasses. "Four! And two nerds. He angered the nerds, Gee! The motherfuckers who are s
Phan - BrokenAuthor; Breffski
Warning; Dan's depression :c
Author's note; I've finally got the motivation <3
Dan sat at the kitchen table, staring down at the food Phil had put in front of him. He picked up his fork but just prodded and poked at it for a while, not really paying attention or eating it. The comments and abuse he'd been receiving lately had really started to kick in, and he wasn't handling it too well. He gave up after a few bites and sat back in his chair, resting his hand on his stomach. "I'm done," He said, taking a quick drink of his coke before pushing the plate away from him.
Phil's glare told Dan that he wasn't entirely convinced. He closed his eyes and let out a small sigh, sending Phil a poor attempt at a reassuring smile. "Honestly. I'm fine. Just not hungry." He lied. He hated lying to Phil; it broke his heart, but he couldn't tell him what was going on. He'd surely just think he was being pathetic and shrug it off as a po
KickTheStickz - Four AM
I'm not sure what I'm doing here. I don't even know what posessed me to drag myself out of bed and drive here. Why am I standing outside my best friend's door at four AM? Maybe I should just go home... It can probably wait until tomorrow, and I'll just annoy him if I wake him up now...
PJ started to turn away from the familiar door that stood before him, attempting to push away the image of his best friend, and long-term-crush, from his mind. He knew that Chris wouldn't appreciate him appearing on his doorstep so early in the morning, but he had absolutely no idea why he chose this time in the first place... It just felt like the right time. Either way he decided he could wait until tomorrow to hold the conversation that he'd been playing out in his mind for the past few days.
The moment his attention was on the floor infront of him, his bod
Phan - No matter what
Phan No matter what
It was a warm, clear summer's evening and the air was close. Phil and Dan were laying on a picnic blanket in Hyde Park gazing up at the sky as the night began to draw in. Dan had his arms wrapped tightly around Phil, gently rubbing his back and holding him protectively near. Phil had his eyes closed and a small smile played on his lips. He had never been happier, right here in this moment with his head nuzzled into Dan's chest and hearing the soothing pound of his heartbeat.
Phil never, ever wanted this to end as he drew back and tentatively gazed at the younger man.
'I love you Dan'
'I love you too Phil' replied Dan in an instant, adjusting his eyes to peer down into the pale blue ones staring up at him.
'But will you always? I don't think I could ever live without you' Phil asked quietly, his eyes still round and wide as he looked up at Dan
Dan sighed, his heart swelled as he looked at Phil. Gorgeous, adorable Phil. His Phil.
'Do you even have to ask
For Evami - KickthestickzPeej lay on the sofa smiling to himself. He had one arm wrapped around the older boy who was resting his head on gently on his chest, the other behind his head. It was one of their lazy days, these were PJ's favourites. He and Chris just lay around watching TV, eating and snuggling on the sofa. Sometimes PJ wished he could just lay there for ever, with Chris, it was almost like paradise. He wanted to stay there, forget about everything, everyone, just him and Chris, forever.
His thoughts were broken by the boy on his chest mumbling incoherently and shuffled closer to PJ, draping one of his legs over his body. PJ chuckled and tightened his grip around Chris who was slowly awakening from his slumber.
"Peej?" His voice was croaky and dry.
"Hello, beautiful." PJ kissed Chris' forehead and he smiled. Chris loved being woken up like this, PJ never failed to put him in a good mood.
"How long have I been asleep for?" He asked, propping himself up on his hand.
St. Billie's comin' down across the alleyway
Up on the boulevard like a zip gun on parade
Light of a silhouette
Coming at you on the count of 1,2,1,2,3,4!
He walks down the street, like he owns the place. His black sneakers hitting the pavement hard, the smack of the sole of the shoe could be heard from a mile away. They call him St. Billie, sometimes Two Dollar Bill, because he sells joints for two dollars. His rebel hair blowing around from the wind. He's handsome, the kid thinks, He'd never like a loser like me
My name is Billie and you better not wear it out
Suicide commando that your momma talked about
King of the forty thieves
And I'm here to represent
The needle in the vein of the establishment
He sits on the corner and smokes a joint, not a care in the world. The kid watches him, wondering what he thinks about, when St. Billie catches him staring. He's in for it now. Never mess with Billie, others say. The kid had once heard he had
Meeting - Phan for HiddenAwayAlex and imafanofphanDan's POV
I looked around awkwardly, unsure of what to do. I didn't know anyone here. I'd planned on making friends but it was proving a little more difficult than expected. I'm not a big time youtuber, like Charlie or Alex so I don't have all the fangirls they do. I've had a couple people come up to me but they're always around the others. I wandered over to a tree and sat against the trunk in the shade of the summery sun. I picked a couple of strands of grass, twiddling them in my finger tips. I felt a darker shadow loom over me and I squinted up at it. A dark haired man stood over me, smiling. His eyes were almost as blue as the sky but were warming, welcoming. He was gorgeous.
"Hi, I'm Amazingphil. You're danisnotonfire, right?" He asked, sitting down cross-legged beside me.
"Uhh, yeah. How do you know me?" I asked, genuinely bewildered. I hadn't expected someone like Phil to have heard about me, he's quite famous. I've watched all of his videos never thinking I'd see him